Today I Started Superhero Training
In an effort to be more like my marvel superhero role models, I decided to change from a life of ease and comfort to a life of danger. I decided to ride my bicycle to work … in Los Angeles County
Few superheroes will reveal their origins, but before they were training in martial arts, web-slinging, or defying gravity, they were riding a bicycle. This is how it all begins: hero 101. Riding a bicycle will help you develop many critical superhero skills and put you one step closer to being able to proudly and publicly don multi-colored tights and a cape.
2. Understand Psychological Warfare
Like all superheros (Superman, Spiderman, Batman), you too must learn that public opinion can quickly turn against you: from ally to adversary overnight. When you change from a motorist to a bicyclist, you will likely become the target of scorn by citizens of the public road way. No one understands this transformation better than the veteran Segway user, who goes from mild-mannered citizen to super-nerd with the speed only a Segway user can dream about.
3. Train Anger Levels to Avoid Turning Green
The best way to learn control is to put yourself in a scenario that makes you angry. Then focus on staying calm. You could have a Special Agent shoot at you while working on a life saving Hulk-anti-serum. Or, you could ride a bicycle and have two ton instruments of death launched at you from random unsuspected directions while the controller screams obscenities.
4. Prepare For a Life in a Spandex Super Suit
Commitment to this kind of ridicule can only be developed after years of perseverance. It’s a very very slow process, so start small. First, begin in socially acceptable scenarios. Wear a neoprene swim cap, and after couple months you can move up to a tight T-shirt. Then when you’re ready, and only when you are ready, pick out a pair of Black Lycra Bicycle Shorts. Nothing will put you on the superhero fast track quicker. After a couple years, instead of riding straight home in your little bicycle shorts, you will be comfortable enough to stop by the local supermarket and do some shopping.
To Sum it Up
So, remember: If you are a motorist with the propensity of becoming a villain, the next time you choose to taunt a cyclist, beware; you may be the catalyst for the next super hero and your own villainous end.
Critical Bicycle Tips and Gadgets
- The Hard to Find California Bicycle Laws
- How to Avoid Getting Hit and Winning the “Door Prize”
- Gear Shifters Not Shifting?